Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Top 10 Worst Ways to Break Cancer Diagnosis News to Your Family

#10: Wear an "I've Got Cancer" t-shirt around the house.

#9: Use overly intricate (and thoroughly confusing) means:
-Spouse: Honey, you don't look so well. Are you feeling alright?
-Response: Well, if by 'are' you mean 'do', and if by 'feeling' you mean 'have' and if by 'alright' you mean 'cancer', then the answer is yes, I most certainly do.

#8: Vanity license plates: [2MR GUY], [KEMO GAL], [CNCR SUX],[CNCR FITR]

#7: Via text message. ( omg! ive gt cancer. not kewl. )

#6: Make your family play connect the dots with your twisted logic:
"Ya know, I was thinking about what a horrible disease that cancer is and how Fate must really hate someone to inflict such a horrible curse on them. Well, apparently Fate hates me."

#5: The Relativity Approach:
"Well honey, I got fired from my job for sleeping with the cleaning lady, who apparently gave me HIV. You should get yourself checked out ASAP. Ha ha, just kidding about that...by the way, I have cancer.

#4: "Alright everybody, raise your hand if you DON'T have cancer."
(raising your hand at first, then slowly dropping it as everyone watches)

#3: On the Jumbotron at a sporting event.

#2: Through clever subtleties:
Spouse: Do you have Billy's basketball schedule for next week?
Response: I'll tell ya what I don't have...the ability to properly regulate cell growth and proliferation anymore.

And the #1 worst way to break cancer diagnosis news to your family:

"Knock-knock" ... "who's there?" ... "I have cancer."


Thank you to Cancer Is Not Funny.

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