Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Top 10 Worst Ways to Break Cancer Diagnosis News to Your Family

#10: Wear an "I've Got Cancer" t-shirt around the house.

#9: Use overly intricate (and thoroughly confusing) means:
-Spouse: Honey, you don't look so well. Are you feeling alright?
-Response: Well, if by 'are' you mean 'do', and if by 'feeling' you mean 'have' and if by 'alright' you mean 'cancer', then the answer is yes, I most certainly do.

#8: Vanity license plates: [2MR GUY], [KEMO GAL], [CNCR SUX],[CNCR FITR]

#7: Via text message. ( omg! ive gt cancer. not kewl. )

#6: Make your family play connect the dots with your twisted logic:
"Ya know, I was thinking about what a horrible disease that cancer is and how Fate must really hate someone to inflict such a horrible curse on them. Well, apparently Fate hates me."

#5: The Relativity Approach:
"Well honey, I got fired from my job for sleeping with the cleaning lady, who apparently gave me HIV. You should get yourself checked out ASAP. Ha ha, just kidding about the way, I have cancer.

#4: "Alright everybody, raise your hand if you DON'T have cancer."
(raising your hand at first, then slowly dropping it as everyone watches)

#3: On the Jumbotron at a sporting event.

#2: Through clever subtleties:
Spouse: Do you have Billy's basketball schedule for next week?
Response: I'll tell ya what I don't have...the ability to properly regulate cell growth and proliferation anymore.

And the #1 worst way to break cancer diagnosis news to your family:

"Knock-knock" ... "who's there?" ... "I have cancer."

Thank you to Cancer Is Not Funny.

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